Post by Sean Jordan on Oct 23, 2003 23:10:49 GMT -5
This morning I woke up when the alarm went off. I was suddenly frightened by the dim, blurry shape of the chair in front of my desk.
See, I have a overwhelming fear of dim, blurry shapes. This has caused a lot of pain in my life.
So anyways, I freaked out and started thrashing around, and smacked my hand against my wall. Between my hand and my wall was my Mary Kate and Ashley Olson poster, and in a strange, mystical way, we were connected when I struck the poster. Sensing my anguish, they teleported themselves to my apartment to assist me in my moment of need. They quickly flooded the room with ambient solar radiation by smashing a hole in the side of my building.
My fear relieve, I was faced with another quandry. Since I sleep in the nude, (well, that's not totally true, I keep a Cookie Monster hand puppet on my left foot), I had to keep myself covered with my bedsheet, so as not to be arrested for indecent exposure to minors. This offended the Olsen twins, who felt that I should have greeted them warmly, with European side-face kisses and high-fives. They began demolishing the nearby BP in their righteous fury, and then the Murfreesboro Police were called.
Except they were busy. The peacock, zebra, and buffalo wildnerness on the east side of town had become a full blown riot. Protesters for the protection of exotic and endangered species were attacked by the animals, and they were so enraged and jaded that they started slaughtering the animals and eating their flesh raw. The police had to stop the riots so the people wouldn't get sick. So while the riots raged and the Olsen twins lashed out with their firey beams of destructive force from their magic eye-sockets, I called the only person I could think of that could be of help.
Dr. Steven Hawking.
He flew out to Murfreesboro from England, on his cold-fusion powered hyper-rocket-wheel chair. Descending into the total madness that had gripped all of Murfreesboro, he started dropping little multi-stage warheads that contained Skip-Its. People became entranced and bemused by this forgotten 80's toy, and soon everyone was having fun; even the animals. Using his recently published Unified Theory of Quantum Mechanics and Relativity, he muon-beamed my wall into repair, and sent me back in time 2 hours. I was now asleep, and he moved my chair out site. When I woke up again (or for the first time) I didn't see the chair and everything was fine.
I only hope tomorrow is better.
See, I have a overwhelming fear of dim, blurry shapes. This has caused a lot of pain in my life.
So anyways, I freaked out and started thrashing around, and smacked my hand against my wall. Between my hand and my wall was my Mary Kate and Ashley Olson poster, and in a strange, mystical way, we were connected when I struck the poster. Sensing my anguish, they teleported themselves to my apartment to assist me in my moment of need. They quickly flooded the room with ambient solar radiation by smashing a hole in the side of my building.
My fear relieve, I was faced with another quandry. Since I sleep in the nude, (well, that's not totally true, I keep a Cookie Monster hand puppet on my left foot), I had to keep myself covered with my bedsheet, so as not to be arrested for indecent exposure to minors. This offended the Olsen twins, who felt that I should have greeted them warmly, with European side-face kisses and high-fives. They began demolishing the nearby BP in their righteous fury, and then the Murfreesboro Police were called.
Except they were busy. The peacock, zebra, and buffalo wildnerness on the east side of town had become a full blown riot. Protesters for the protection of exotic and endangered species were attacked by the animals, and they were so enraged and jaded that they started slaughtering the animals and eating their flesh raw. The police had to stop the riots so the people wouldn't get sick. So while the riots raged and the Olsen twins lashed out with their firey beams of destructive force from their magic eye-sockets, I called the only person I could think of that could be of help.
Dr. Steven Hawking.
He flew out to Murfreesboro from England, on his cold-fusion powered hyper-rocket-wheel chair. Descending into the total madness that had gripped all of Murfreesboro, he started dropping little multi-stage warheads that contained Skip-Its. People became entranced and bemused by this forgotten 80's toy, and soon everyone was having fun; even the animals. Using his recently published Unified Theory of Quantum Mechanics and Relativity, he muon-beamed my wall into repair, and sent me back in time 2 hours. I was now asleep, and he moved my chair out site. When I woke up again (or for the first time) I didn't see the chair and everything was fine.
I only hope tomorrow is better.
